eager to hold her 7th child
she cradles his small torso to her body
happy in this moment, forgetting the labor
her fingers graze his face at 9 months
he is satisfied after eating, sleeping in her care
her arms swing downward
guarding her toddler as he learns to walk
her guidance keeping him from stumbling
her embrace sends him to the classroom to learn
about new things and to start the formation of his being
her head lands in her palms after she cleans his first serious scrape
she can't always keep him safe
she can't always keep him safe
he was such a boy, everywhere at once, his legs couldn't keep up
she blows him a kiss when he is 13, to remind him to always have eyes for his mother
one of the most important women of them all in his life
nail biting is a habit now, as her now 18 year old son, takes the car for a spin.
she knows he is such an adventurer, she hopes her car will make it
her hands jump to her heart when she hears the bang
her mind knows what was possible in that moment
her mind knows what was possible in that moment
her arms run to embrace the body, now lifeless
her heart sinks to the floor
her family waits at the hospital
their life will never be the same
just as cold as the winter he was born
was the winter freeze as he died
her family waits at the hospital
their life will never be the same
just as cold as the winter he was born
was the winter freeze as he died
now life is blurry
her movements are slow at the grocery store
her movements are slow at the grocery store
everything reminds her of him
her hands and fingers, her arms and shoulders
they are his shape, his shape was hers
all her thoughts intertwined as she simply picks out produce
she can't help but see her hands holding his, hugging his shoulders, loving him
raising him
she is imagining his face everywhere but touching groceries instead
how helpless
how empty
we won't always know the hands in our lives
but we can trust that they are there
.RIP Joshua.
.RIP Joshua.
